Carrots and Kids

{Cosy}

I have literally blown the cobwebs off my laptop and dusted it down to get on with writing a blog post. I realise that what I have been up to is of very little consequence but here's the thing - I have missed the creativity afforded to me by this space.

Life has been trundling on in its usual fashion with a lot of Christmas shopping (all done, even the online food order - phew), plus trips to the doctors for one of the younger members of the Carrots house, a fair bit of worry, inset days and the strike and, well, life has been full.

Full and productive which is always good, leaving no room really for blogging or Twitter. But I have felt something has been amiss. And that was the lack of writing, being creative. Because while bread making is satisfying it is, for me at the moment making my basic white, not really creative.

I guess that's a lie because I have been slightly creative making some Christmas presents. I haven't yet got into the groove of making lots. I need to start in the summer for that.

But these four presents are small enough to cost pennies and to be quick enough to make, even for me. I admire those that go the whole Handmade Holiday route but really, I can't see my teens being totally overjoyed at any homemade offering from me.

So Christmas shopping it has been. It wasn't too bad as it entailed a (very) rare day with Hubby on our own, copious cups of coffee, lunch out and the satisfaction that it is All Done.

That just leaves the wrapping which I hope to crack on with tomorrow and Friday. Proper decorating will start later in the month but I have put up this rather lovely cardboard star which is lit from inside and brightens up these gloomy days. December is shaping up well for some cosy, Christmas fun. Can't wait.

{Learning to Sew at West Dean}

Last weekend I was lucky enough to learn how to use my sewing machine on a course at West Dean College. Oh my. It was such a wonderful experience.

It's quite hard to sum up in words what it meant to me (and really, how can a sewing machine course induce any feelings at all apart from phew, I can now use my machine?) but when I think of the weekend I just feel all warm and fuzzy.

By rights I should feel a bit stupid. I was one of the slowest. So slow in fact that I didn't get to try out button holes (although I wished I'd watched someone else have a go because I've read the instructions and all I can think is I have to cut the stitches?).

There was not one thing about the course that I didn't love. One of the other students, a workshop veteran with three other courses under her belt, described West Dean as her spiritual home. And I knew exactly what she meant.

It's a sumptuous manor house set in rolling acres nestled in the South Downs. It's the home of the Edward James Foundation and is where people can learn how to make musical instruments, tapestry, felting - the list is endless. The creative vibe was palable.

Even the other tutors were, from what I saw, funky and eccentric and creative looking. They seemed to be older women and I gazed on them in awe, thinking I want to age like you...

But what of the course? Did I learn anything? Well, I made a wonderful looking cushion (even if I do say so myself). It even has a zip! And four different seams in the front which allowed us to try out different techniques.

I've also got a funky bag that's going to be my book club book bag. It might also make an appearance in the school playground. I made a rather fundemental mistake on it but it's one I now know to look out for in future bag making exploits.

Ginny and Alice, our tutors, were fab. They had endless patience, even with me who displayed a truely stellar goldfish-like memory. There were eight of us and they managed, somehow, to help us all individually and equally. I felt so at home in the studio with everyone that I didn't want to go home.

Life's been pretty stressful lately. Actually, this weekend made me realise quite how stressful, on a day-in-day out basis. I've been finding it hard going, having to mix daily (or rather not really mix) with groups of women who don't get me and are not remotely interested in me. Where I live is a wealthy, cliquey place and if you don't have the private education/bank balance or three-quarter of a million pound home then you don't fit. And it's not just me, I know others experience the same.

But this weekend all of that was forgotten. It was joyful to immerse myself in a productive activity, to lose myself in learning and to be me with no worries or stress. Really, who'd have thought one little course would have given me so much? I'm so glad I went.

{Feel Good Films and Other Things}

Thank you so much for all your wonderful suggestions about comforting, feel-good films. I bought the first series of Downton Abbey (I seemed to have missed it when it was on the TV) so have been enjoying the very first programme.

The only trouble is I tend to nod off when I watch it (tell me I'm not the only one this happens to) but I figure if it takes me yonks to get through it, it doesn't matter.

I thought I'd list everyone's suggestions (just in case you're looking for inspiration and for my benefit too for when I get bored of Downton Abbey which will presumably be when I have mastered the art of staying awake on a sofa).

Films:

• The Big Lebowski
• Chocolat
• It's a Wonderful Life
• Amelie
• Notting Hill
• Forrest Gump
• Waking Ned Devine
• 13 Going on 30
• Serendipity
• The Holiday
• Roxanne
• Lord of the Rings
• Under the Tuscan Sun
• Mama Mia
• Juno
• Love Actually
• Room With a View
• You've Got Mail
• Bridesmaids
• Australia
• Out of Africa
• The Help

Comfort television:

• One Foot in the Grave
• Only Fools and Horses
• Outnumbered
• Modern Family
• Couger Town
• Brideshead Revisited
• Dinnerladies
• Jam and Jerusalem
• Flight of the Conchords
• Kath and Kim
• Pride and Prejudice (the tv version with Colin Firth).

There may have been a few suggestions via Twitter I missed (apologies if it was yours) because it wouldn't let me search lots of old tweets. Bad Twitter.

After writing that out I have to say, you lot are amazing. Really. Even though I write this blog for myself (in as much that I'm not chasing advertisers/lots of hits/high rankings) I do really write it for you - or rather because of you. I really enjoy opening up a space on the internet for anyone to come and chat or exchange views.

I'm probably not expressing myself well, but if I did stop blogging (which I consider doing a lot) I would then be closing off a rather lovely way of connecting with people. I don't have expectations about people visiting C&K but if I didn't maintain this space I would be closing off the possibility of making connections.

Woah. That sort of dawned on me as I was typing. I've often been asked, and have wondered myself, why I blog. I thought it was to creatively express myself. But I'm beginning to think that's a small part. So thank you to everyone who takes a few seconds or minutes out of their day to read or comment. It means such a lot.

{A Be Kind To Me Day}

After a bit of a rum weekend in which pain, of both sorts, featured heavily I have picked myself up and am trying to get back to the busy contentedness of the past few weeks.

Nothing life threatening but major to me nonethless. Luckily it didn't involve the children or Hubby. Well, I tell a lie. The physical pain was his in the form of raging toothache which is still raging but will subside now thanks to a battle with the former tooth while lying in the dentist's chair.

Yesterday I gave myself a Be Kind to Me Day. It was hard because I wanted to mope. And cry. Which I did a bit but I also camped out on the sofa, in between baking bread, doing laundry and the dishwasher, drinking copious hot drinks, watching TV (which I find increasingly hard to do), reading (Love on the Dole - fab) and knitting.

I was dreading a day on my own after the distractions of family life (which felt odd, as I love my own company usually) but it wasn't too bad.

It feels vulnerable, writing such a pesonal post (even without the details). Not really about gardening is it? I wonder if I shall hit "publish" or "draft". But sometimes you just want to write about what is. And this is.

And I wanted to ask for suggestions about good films to watch when you are having a Be Kind To Yourself Day? I'm at a loss. Nothing sad, depressing or violent. But what? I need to stock up as I think there may be one or two more of these days on the horizon.

PS. I am fine. Really. Just a bit....sad. And in need of good films.